The news

I went to an annual appointment with my OBGYN on Tuesday, February 11. It was just an annual and I was really excited to get to see my doctor since it has been over a year! That sounds weird, but after 3 pregnancies, I've spent a lot of time with my doctor and her nurses!

I went back and chatted with the nurse. I reminded her that I had called a couple of months before because my cycle had gotten off (two cycles in one month then none the next) and she reassured me that this can happen while you are weaning from nursing and taking the mini pill (progesterone only pill they prescribe to nursing mommies).

I met with the doctor and we talked about my future tummy tuck! True story! She said I was a good candidate and when we are sure we were done having kids, she would refer me. I was so excited! 

The appointment went well and before I left I told her what the nurse and I talked about with my cycle. She said that can happen and asked me if I took a urine test. I laughed and told her that the nurse told me I only had to do that if I thought I could be pregnant! She insisted and said she just wanted to rule it out before I left. So I left, did the urine sample, and headed out the door. Right before I opened the door, I heard giggling. I ran back to the office and both nurses were standing there looking disappointingly at me! They showed me the positive pregnancy test and I demanded they do another. The nurse did another but the same results occurred. The doctor came out of a room in disbelief. 

I then had an ultrasound which confirmed the pregnancy and I was 6 weeks along. 

I was in shock and scared to death to tell Nic. I waited all day till he got home and the kids were in bed.  We sat down for dinner and I told him about the couples massage I had booked at a day spa the next night for Valentine's Day. He said, "that is the best news I have heard in weeks!" Yeah... 

Then I told him I had some other news that he may not think is as great. I told him the entire story and about halfway through he interrupted and said, "are you pregnant?" I tried to finish but just nodded and started bawling. He immediately jumped up and hugged me. He looked so stunned and happy, but I watched his face as the news processed. It's a lot to take. We spent the rest of the night asking questions- what are each other's thoughts on this or that. 

It didn't take Nic long to feel excited. I'm still getting there. I spent the next two weeks in tears. It's hard for me to process how life will be affected by a new baby. I already feel stretched between my three. 3:30 until bedtime is difficult at best most days. I have no clue how I can be there for Kaden to help with his homework, to play with Cam and Ryane and to take care of every need of a newborn. Overwhelmed is a good word. 

It's been several weeks now and I'm doing okay. I've been queasy and it's very mild compared to my other pregnancies, but it's lasting quite awhile. To be honest I'm ready to feel back to normal. I'm exhausted this time around and there are days I just cry because I don't have the energy to get up and take care of everything.  I'm extremely emotional and have cried reading Facebook posts and watching commercials. I have gotten used to the idea of having another. I think about the c-section and the hospitalization daily. I spend a lot of time planning, thinking and worrying. 

But we are blessed. Our family and friends couldn't be more supportive and we are grateful for their constant encouragement. I know for a fact I couldn't get through this without Nic and our family by my side. 

So with that I present Miller baby #4...